These past few months have been quite the whirlwind. I haven't stopped for a second and I love every bit of it more than I thought I would. No I'm not ready to settle down, in any sense of the word. Maybe it's not that I'm not ready, but more of the fact that I simply don't have time. Every aspect of my life right now is up in the air and has a big question mark after it. And I'm learning in the strangest ways, that not knowing what that question mark is going to turn in to is OK. It's actually kind of freeing if you think about it. Nothing holding me back and anything in my midst. But what I have been challenged with lately is the idea of settling. I can tell you one thing and that is if I have grown into anything the past few years, it's that I want to fully experience everything that this world has to offer. I can't wait to travel when I can, land a dream job, have a family. But it is so scary to try and go in any direction with anything by how many times we hear "don't settle." For whatever it may be: a relationship, a salary, etc. The list is endless. What I have been thinking about endlessly is what do these "things" that we settle for then mean about everything else? Saying we deserve "better" means that we are above. Having this mindset discredits people. It discredits things.
News flash: we deserve absolutely nothing.
I can carry that weight because I love my father and know that I gain the most undeserved prize and treasure of knowing Jesus and of knowing that I will be with Him for eternity. Knowing that doesn't stop my human brain for being selfish and always wanting more. More of earth and what it has to offer. I want a family and shoot I even want a dang good salary. But what I am being challenged to do as I have one year left before I enter into the "real world" is to settle. Sounds crazy, especially because looking at my life, I have nothing to settle with. But when I get to the heart of it, I do. Oh do I have so much to settle with.
Google (the answer to everything) states the definition of settle to be this: (verb) to adopt a more steady or secure style of life, esp. in a permanent job and home.
I read that and can't help but slap myself across the face for a wake up call. What are we living for if we aren't settling for Jesus. Settling down has never looked so good or sounded so sweet. I don't believe this means that my life will all of a sudden become boring or inadequate because I think in our heart of hearts those that follow a life for Jesus do this already. It just so happens that we forget it and we start to chase after other things that seem more important or desirous because of its tangibility and accessibility. My prayer for anyone that reads this is that you run faster to Jesus in hopes that you start to walk away from our other loves. I don't think this means that my other dreams of settling won't come true. Because I know with everything in me that they will because of His promise. No matter what my heart continues to change and be molded. I am so thankful.
With Thanksgiving around the corner, my challenge is to be thankful for what I have, but to also be okay with letting those things go. Of course I want everything that's special to me to be in my life for forever and always, but I also want to be so unbelievably confident in my love for Christ that I know I will survive without anything but Him. That settling for Him and only Him will be my guide and my path to the things of the world that He chooses to bless me with. I know this is a concept that everyone may be told time and time again and may be living it to the full. But it's hard and I'm okay admitting that because I think it makes life a little harder when we act like it's not. But I want it. I want it bad. And I want to continue to strive for it. My crazy soul longs to be going non stop all the time. But I want my crazy soul to take a halt. God has proven over and over in every story in every life, that His way is more beautiful than anything we could come up with on our own. Our stories are apart of THE story and I don't want to be spinning out of control too long for my own desires to miss the beauty in it.
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